Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
