I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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