Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
