Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
