Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Randomize
