After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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