You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
