Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
