bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
