Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.