Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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