So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
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