My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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