whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is Oprah even human
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.