Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
