I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize