I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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