so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
