Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I would fuck him just for his dog
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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