My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
