Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
