Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
