at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
