Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
