There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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