Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
