remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
