that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
