He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
as a side note pls kill me
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
