i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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