he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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