Will you blow on my dice?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
