A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
