Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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