17 year olds will be the death of me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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