it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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