capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
