Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
