I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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