the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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