tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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