Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
