At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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