Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
birth control should be required to get into college
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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