i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
