So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
