Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
