There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
