my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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