he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
