i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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