i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
