My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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