The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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