Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
