I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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