Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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