So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
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I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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