Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
