i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm having to shit out rocks
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
