if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
