I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
