Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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