I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
