New invention idea: vibrating tampons
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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