I hate your face
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
