Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
